Pursuit of Happyness

Self-Righteousness is one of the most important virtues for a peaceful and happy life. Nothing personal, everyone has a different belief. Somewhere inside you, there should be a strong feeling that you have never wronged a fellow person and you have been brave enough to stand up for you beliefs. This keeps the fighter inside you alive and helps in happily facing all the troubles head-on, and it's awesome! I have never been a very happy child. There always have been something else that I desired, maybe I never really made a strong choice for myself, maybe I looked out for people's opinion too much - after all, too many options is always a mess. Somewhere in my heart I have known what exactly is going to make me happy; I just never listened to that feeling. I somehow almost always let it slip, giving in to the other lusts. Today I stand, on the same cross-roads, having the happiness in my sight, aware of the fight lurking around it - knowing I will have to be selfless and let it slip.

I think I am killing the self-righteousness myself. If someone asked me to decipher the meaning, I would simply say - doing right to yourself. The society, should it really come into picture? Is it “Social-Righteousness”, another make-belief concept to keep things in order? Since the beginning of social history, people have been trying to bind others and domesticate them to behave in a set pattern. I think they have succeeded at many level; somewhere at such deep a level that society actually sits on it’s feces and feel that it’s the most wonderful time! People actually are unhappy and still pursuing the same path just to tag along the crowd that will someday be indifferent to them. There is a lot of chaos and a lot of sparks, someday this will rot away the chains – maybe not in my time, but it will. 

Ayn Rand is one person whose philosophies I have actually liked. I have always said “you cannot make people close to you happy until you yourself are in that state”. If I start thinking on those lines, the only way to be self-righteous is to be selfish. It’s not being selfish in a way which means going out and taking advantage of others, but in a way that uplifts your whole being and makes you feel alive with passion. All the social good, charity, prayers, selfless acts are worthless if it’s not fulfilling your ultimate moral goal, and that goal can never be pleasing others. People have been trying so hard to get other’s approval that they somehow have designed pathway to make themselves look brighter, no matter how dark they actually are. The whole act of selflessness is the most selfish things you’ll ever do to yourselves.

I used to say - happiness is over rated. The usual bollywood drama - all the intense romantics - although I have been able to connect it to some part of my life, I never really believed that a special someone can have the power, so deep, that they can leave a rift in your soul. Life is too short for that serious part; there are so many things to do, ‘variety being the spice of life’. I stand corrected, there aren't. There are good things and there are distractions. Distractions are like a 5-minute joy ride in a amusement park; making you happy and bringing you back to reality. Good thing is like water – it will always be the same and it will always give you an unsaid satisfaction of varied degrees. I have always desired an intensity in moments, be it  a tight embrace or the sparkling eyes that makes one feel that no words will ever be required. I know how the emotional hollow inside me will level but I also know that I will have to be selfless one last time. There will be a change and top rules will be – Be Selfish, Be Happy and Be Right. Guys, make yourself happy first and bring same to others in your own ways. The world can use a lot of originality, that space will never run out. Cheers!

You SNOOZE, You LOOSE

Feels good to be back! Tanja, I am still waiting for your fury on my last one :P

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

They say the time is running. But, I could never be a man of routines. I like my own pace - doing things as they come along and listening to my heart. When I get up each day I have one aim ( In addition to the "going to gym" and "waking early n fresh") - to do a little better than what I did. I start my engines and think - about the things that are to be looked forward to and the things that are going to test me today. It is mostly the second part that excites me. That's where I learn something new. In this era of honking horns and yell'ey noises - I have made up my mind to keep my smile on. What good is it to strip myself of one thing that will be under my control for sure? But, as it is said "Change is the only constant thing".

I stand aghast today. I stand aghast at the change in us - at the darkness growing inside us - at the pleasures slipping away - at the waters running out. I always think that everything should be integrated in a particular sense. I never understand why it isn't. Why we take pleasure in the headings of hate and refrain from peaceful coexistence. Has the society made us so cynical that we have adapted dog-eat-dog rule? No No, not accepted - we have made it our duty to implement the rule! We are not the victims anymore. It is not a habit of the tyrants anymore - everything is nationalized; we have become one of them. We like spitting on people who are honest and we shake hands with the profits. Influence and connections are important - socializing is a mandatory requirement - knowledge is acquired to mock others not for self - to crack exams and not to get a personal satisfaction. There is something very wrong with this world. It is a very simple concept that the things ought to be in an order; an incomprehensible confusion that they aren't. We have started enjoying looking down on people. Looking down on personal habits, appearances, financial standards or what-ever comes our way. Mocking someone gives us a sweet tinge of joy. We want the world to sympathize with us, we on the other hand do it with none.

There is a wise saying - Nobody is rewarded before time and above fate. Today, we want everything instantly. My colleague once told me a story. A story about a man in love with nature. Someone who dreamed of retiring to a beautiful, lush-green country side cottage. A place where the musicians were chirping birds and flowing waters. But alas, he was a man of haste. He didn't understand the concept of "picking fruits when they are ripe". He bought a truck load of hard work, transferred the greenery and acquired a variety. He was very happy with the results, happy flaunting the power of money and congratulating his witty brain. Within a week he was living his dream - Watering the trees and eating the fruits - enjoying the barbeques in the shade. Within a month, the trees died - the lush green beauty paving a way to squeaking sound of the wood - like a bonsai plant first shaped for our wondrous imagination - only to drop as dust instead of bearing nests.

We are living in the same era and living the same mistakes. I am feeling lost today - lost and drained. I believe people ought to be brave and honest; a confusion that they aren't. A fast paced lifestyle has stripped us of all the goodness that the mother nature bestowed upon us. Patience - Tolerance - Compassion - these are becoming just words in our dictionaries. Smiling hearts are fading in my memory, only the smile is left hanging on the faces with icy eyes. We all have acquired black hearts and golden tongues. We pat our backs for that! More and more conversations are starting off with a negative remark. The back biting is tickling our funny bone. I fail to remember the last time when I had that divine feeling of joy; the upliftment that made my heart swell. I am sorry, I don't see it. HQ, as I said last time, is still taking a dip. There is a buoyancy keeping it floating and there is a turbulence moving it up & down - the ship has sailed away long ago. I sometimes wonder if the era of the kings was much better. A soldier was required to know about fighting skills, he was expected to be the best in his field. He was never expected to know anything about pot making. Information Technology has given us the key to the Pandora's box. We need to know everything to survive. Half knowledge on democracy and full freedom has ruined us!

I believe that there is an adrenaline excitement in hunting the unknown; in passing through fierce jungles, in lighting up the darkest corners. There is an adrenaline rush and there is a fear - a fear that we are alone. There is a feeling of comfort on walking the paths; paths with people; people with faces; even though we see lunacy, a comfort never the less. We like joining hands with the forces - forces that are dark and mighty. Forces that bloom with the promises of a better lifestyle; with the treasure chests, glittering with jewels - glittering with the promises of a fast pace growth. We are running - sweating and burning - with blisters under our feet - lips dry and hearts in pain - we all are going at it! We have opened the Pandora box and let all the evil out; evil with no form but, a confirmed existence. The rush is taking away the present. And for whom? Is it really for our good? I leave it to be picked up again.

Like Oogway said "Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a gift - that's why it is called the present", let's cherish the things we are able to do. Let's enjoy our platters, be thankful and be honest. Do everything that can be done and go off to a peaceful sleep. This is the only way I know to charge myself up.

A Special Day?

There are times when there is a Christmassy feeling in the air and I get headaches trying to show that I remember this day – that I am a know-it-all! A trip down the Google lane and a slap from the Google Doodle notifies me of my ignorance. My brain somehow ignores all these “Days”. My mother always calls me up and reminds me one day in advance, I still manage to mess it up at times – I am so full of talent. My thought process is a bit different. I am at times stamped as Insensitive - as Irrational - as Crazy - as Weird! But, I am carefree in my own ways :) I never think that a bigger herd is a synonym of power or popularity. I am not fond of social bindings and peer pressures. I dislike formality and hate nosing. Finding comfort in my circle of selected few, I actually have a tiny list of things that I am actually fond of.

So, this is one thing not in my list – Days. I have never been a firm believer in days, in the compulsion that make things follow a routine, in various hopes that have no base, in things that create a virtual cocoon and give us a fake sense of joy. I sometimes wonder if the HQ (Happiness Quotient) is taking a constant dip. We are trying to hold on to the power of thought; emphasizing the nonexistent. I, personally, would prefer going to a breath taking hill station, rent a cabin and meditate; spreading this Serum of Happiness in every part of my body and afterwards giving a 32-out smile to everyone who passes by. Although I will find it very amusing, it is actually creepy! :D I was thinking about a few matters during the first week when my whole thought pyramid got unstable by the fuzz about 8th March – International Women's Day. The first thought that came to my mind was ‘Jesus! Not another one!!’ I immediately pulled up my socks and took out my pen (well, not immediately, it just gives me a nice feeling thinking that way). People, especially ladies might call me jealous, but I will finally be able to use the cold look. Or, maybe I will dust off my invisibility cloak. After all, having a handicap is nothing to be jealous about.

I tried tracing back the history of this day. The first noticeable incident was in 1909, when women, tired of the tyranny and bindings, raised their voices in the United States – the voices finally strengthening and succeeding in 1917 in Russia. Since then it is a symbolic day – Showing the world that genders are equal. I see many long faces on this day (Like many other days that continue all year round); this is the “hairy lot”. Well, chip up guys! Men probably don't have any days named after them because they didn't struggle as much for their rights. I mean, yes, they did struggled for freedom, equality of voice and opinion, but not for the equality of gender. Women earlier were raised as maids, no right to education, no right to opinion, no independence – household chores and children were their sole responsibility and purpose. The revolution brought awareness, followed by the education and development; mind still trapped in a mirage of inequality.

Women should be proud their position in today's society (I am not really sure if proud should be the word). Eating fruits of someone else’s sacrifice is not the right thing to do. Should the “Post-Struggle” menu items be lectures, parties, wishes and gifts? The day can also be celebrated by honoring the women who have excelled in different fields, but that would be a contradiction to the fundamental concept of equality. It’s a day to lift your collars high? Think again. Popular = powerful? Or, Louder = Weak? Is it a day vibrating with the voices of the past or pure business? It is a happy time for vendors and event managers – selling crap and asking for loud applause. Just listening to the great things done by the same gender is nothing to be proud of. Barack Obama is the president of United States – that certainly doesn’t give me a proud feeling of belonging to the male gender.

I do believe in equality; I never see people as any different from me. I never believe the things that I hear – I observe and I conclude. I agree that the society has come a long way. But, mindsets – Have they really changed? We all are born equal – genetically a bit different, yes – but more or less the same. Our behavioral pattern changes in accordance with our upbringing and hormonal fluctuations. What handicaps us is the society. People are still holding on to the traditional thoughts. In the confusion of moving backward and forward, the present is suffering. The laws are made for healthy long term political careers and kids are raised with the same traditional values. Girls are still seen as mothers; still taught to sacrifice for the family. They still want a thought in mind that male is the head of the family and responsible to make ends meet; girl’s job is the icing on the cake. But, when guys show dominance, they are criticized. The whole mentality has become very contradicting.

The laws are made for female protection and the charts show a rising alimony. The other day I saw a police van on the street – for crimes against women, children and senior citizens – it left me wondering if there was a sleeping side to my personality; if I should be chained to my bed at night. A male dominated society – in terms of population or in terms of rights? After all, no laws are made for males in case of murders. We need to realize that not everything is in black and white; good and evil are not gender dependent. A time will come when we will have a death sentence for looking at a woman. Funny thing being – a girl will still hold the right to seduction. An equal right is the first step towards a balanced society. Everyone is raised to make a name, we all have talents, we all fall in devil’s trap – let’s shred this cloak of discrimination.

The same old laws wouldn’t work anymore; we all have become shrewd. An internal change and a social development is the need of this hour. We need to work on three things – Respect, Unity and Understanding. Respect will come from inside. We need to work together for the time when a successful lady is respected for the hard work; the time when her qualities are acknowledged. We never tend to respect people who haven’t worked as hard. A biased celebration gives a handicap and a handicap takes away that respect. We men need to learn that the things should be done in unity. Until we bury that urge to dominate everything that moves, we will never rise up. Instead of assigning duties to opposite sex, we must learn to lend a helping hand. We need to value her engagements as much as we expect ours to be. We need to move towards a better intimacy – a better understanding.

We always look for reasons to celebrate; we never grab that reason to make a difference. We go out to fancy restaurants, eat a rich five course meal and come back laughing and hugging each other. We are not making new bonds, we are not doing extra ordinary things – we are simply following a routine – following the herd of sheep! We tend to repeat things that we want to be true; taking the help of our subconscious to instill that thought in our brains. I never see the genders as very different – except of course the way they should dress and carry themselves – the way they should talk and laugh – the way they should work and stuff. But, I shouldn’t be used as a bench mark, I like pulling legs. :D Women have become equal, but the days like these will always be an irony.

Incredible India - Chapter 0

Atithi Devo Bhava (The Guest is God) – that, my friends, is us. We have a rich culture and bright minds. We have left a mark everywhere. We have an in-depth education system, Superior moral values, Ethics, Laws, Languages and Diversity. India is unique in many way, one being – In Spite of the variety of culture, we have always lived as a one big family; nourishing and caring for one another; shedding tears for the hurt; healing people in crisis. Full of courage and enthusiasm – When we fall down – we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves of and start walking again! THAT is our problem. We never pick up the banana peel lying on the ground, we simply don’t care; even when we do, we don’t want to!

We have always been told about a charming way to look at life – Glass is half full. We have been told to be positive; that a positive attitude brings miracle. Be it school or college, everyone uses the same expression and smile! But, do you realize the joke? Think again, the glass is half full. Looking at positive side is a very convenient way of escaping negativity. This is good as far as thoughts go. But, it gets alarming when the thoughts start creeping over morals and actions. I certainly don’t want my glass half full.

We have become cheap; morally and spiritually. As I was thinking along, Russell Peters popped into my head. I remembered an episode where he joked about our cheapness. There was a positive side and there was a negative. He said that nobody can insult us by calling us cheap. We hear “cheap” and process it as “smart”. In fact, we have been so dedicated to being cheap for so long that we actually invented the number Zero! Our cheapness changed the world!

So much as we love to brag, there are potholes.  Although, it’s the action of few that brands the whole city, but that is the truth. We have the lowest moral values. We are still encashing the vouchers our ancestors left us. We keep pointing that how the western culture is spoiling our generation…when actually these are the corroding shackles of the past we are trying to preserve. We refuse to think and we deny the growth. With time, our egos have inflated and our thinking has narrowed.

We hold our heads high – A diversified, yet united nation where we prefer erecting and gold plating monuments instead of extending a helping hand. We preach love and kindness; we breed discrimination and favoritism on the basis of birthplace, caste and status. We say that all Indians are equal and then we destroy property in the name of democracy – What for? To actually slide lower in social status; to eat the fruits of opportunity with a lazy lifestyle.  We still have a functional society that supports emotional blackmails and forced marriages; where honor killing and dowry is respected; where love marriages are frowned upon and couples are lawfully beaten on Valentine’s Day. We elect politicians who divide people on basis of states; we worship those who can help us step on our so called brothers. We silently pay the law to protect us and government holds on to its seat instead of promises; where innocence is proportional to money. How long will we watch?

We are at par with everything that happens in the west – Luxuries, Drugs, Sex and everything else. Yet we still talk about the live-ins and abortions, hiding our own figure charts. We still believe in continuing a bitter married life because society has ample of time and it will talk; although, nobody gives a shit. We still prefer our kids to grow up in a conservative environment; telling them that there will be a time for everything – Studies (Primary, calculated to be near about 26years of your life) and Friends (Secondary, only those who top or talk less); a girl/boy friend – Still in a conceptual design phase (After all, a distraction is no no) – Liking and Love is a post mid-life affair! On top of that, money is something we are chasing and health is something we are playing with. We are responsible for letting our hunger grow. 

The generation is trying to break loose, trying to find new ways, trying to attain new balance...and we are trying to keep them in line. We are the ones who think that college education is more than enough for girls; that engineering is always better than law. That safety has to be our first concern and not innovations and experiments. Loved ones don't come first, society does. People who talk are silenced with a perfect line - We all complain, but do nothing. But, can you really do something? Isn't it better to clean one's own house? Isn't that the fastest way to a clean a city? 

We always like to gossip about things. A person who can’t do that is marked Rude/Anti-Social/Dumb! It’s never the solution that interests us; it is the problem that amuses us. Instead of thinking about the solution, we keep tossing the problem around. Always remember - - to spread love, one needs actions; to spread hatred, word of mouth is sufficient.

Today, I don’t have any solid solution. I’ll mark this blog as starting of one. There is one conversation that I’ll quote as the beginning –

Me: “What should be the moral values according to you?”

Friend: “Everyone forms his/her own values”

Me: “What are yours?”

Friend: “Respect every individual. Respect gives rise to Love and Love starts Harmony”.

Me: “That means if the foundation is weak, the whole structure will come down?”

Friend: “That is a BIG Yes”

That means to make our foundation strong, we must first learn to respect ourselves. We must be right to do right. It’s a Monty Hall problem. Behind one door is a car; behind the others, goat. An honest game or an instant win – our choice – our actions. 

Just ask one question – Developed…Developing…Really?

A Bumpy Ride

There was a time when the earth was flat; when there was an end of the world, when you could fall off the edge and be gone. But, then the change came – Round! This went deep in every aspect of life and we started going around in circles – never reaching conclusions. Development made us all more capable but weaker. This little piece is devoted to that change; the change in psychology, the change in us.

These days I am re-reading “The Fountainhead”. I recommend you all to get a copy if you haven’t read it (believe me; Ayn Rand is not giving me any commissions). I always think that the book affects me in undesirable ways (for me or for people, I am not so sure). It makes me less social and more straightforward, which apparently isn’t a very nice thing. Anyways, this is one among many lines to make a note of – Hands do perspire when held too long.

Today an event triggered me. Something that made me reflect back on my relation and the future it holds. I might be too young to preach, but freedom of expression is what makes us grow. The institution of marriage – one area where changes are rarely welcomed; social bindings and unpleasant surprises instil fear in us all. We face roughness in our daily lives too; but, fights between friends or partners – which is more severe? Flipping the coin; spending time or spending a lifetime – which is more charming? After all, nothing is free.

Growth is a painful process. There is a time in our lives when one is carefree. A time when the street shopping and the petty movies are fun; when the stairs outside a closed store is the best place to sit; when your broken legs still carries you cheerfully; when an upsetting thing is a taunt or a comment. We strive for happiness and independence has spoiled us all. Rules are meant to be broken, but I choose few guidelines to live by. U.E.C – Understanding, Expectations and Comparisons; these will be my chosen ones. A firm understanding with mutual expectations and no comparisons is how I will put them.

My Supervisor said that arranged marriages are better than love marriages. I hate to agree to a certain degree. While love marriages provide one the comfort of knowing partner in advance, it poses a problem – History and Comparison. The lover always reminds you of the times when there was fun without worries. But, you wouldn’t do bungee jumping at 90 would you? We always neglect the good additions and focus on the subtractions. There are three E’s of love marriage –
1. Efforts – You just saw your girl.
2. Experiments – You are about to get engaged.
3. Equilibrium – Happily married.

The third phase proceeds to stagnation and the issues begin. Priorities change; People start to adjust and transform. Suddenly Friday nights stop being colorful and Saturdays get lazy. All the annoying habits, nagging, responsibilities and arguments start becoming too much to handle. Gay Hendricks said Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they've had the same argument hundreds of times. There is a problem with the society – we want results and we want them fast with a cherry on top. Things require time and our anger is killing the brain. An astronaut doesn’t jump off the ship when he faces turbulence; we, however, have doors of alternatives. We try escaping confrontations until the vessel is about to blast. Try closing the doors shut and be focused. Bond with your loved ones people, have a pleasant conversations and reach conclusions. Life is full of memories and moments – catch them! Preserve them! Don’t fight love; FIGHT for love!
Take Care.

Innovative Reading

Change is the essence of life, a process of surrendering what you are for what you can become. We, human race, on the other hand, are like a tortoise – Slow and Protected. We like things well within the grasp of our fingers and minds, but laugh in the face of innovation. Technology has always amused us at first but, eventually, we subconsciously fall prey to its wonders!

Paperbacks have always been our friends. We have lost and found ourselves in the sea of emotions! The crisp, fresh smell of a new book; a personal signature stamped all over it; memories and smiles – these are just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much that cannot be expressed. The childhood comic strips, early age detective novels, matured philosophies and spirituals – neatly lined up on shelves, ready to be picked up! The next morning, all is gone – a sleek device waiting in its place. That, my friends, is the fruit of technology. I am not stubborn to change, I observe and I chose. I have to accept, the Kindle amazed me!

I was the person who did not like to read e-books. It made my movements very restricted; I could no longer sip a coffee in the lawn and smell the fresh earth while reading my favorites. Strain and efficiency loss are just another by products of LCDs. But like the two sides of a coin, there was one advantage – my memories would never age! There were no folded pages, no torn bindings and no distorted shape.

Kindle removed my cons – my paperback will always be smiling behind the laminated screen! I could buy books on the move at a lower cost, have a variety without weight, highlight and make notes, look up the words instantly and never worry about battery life – all joys of reading intact! I might need a little more care and an initial investment, but for everything we miss, we gain something else, and for everything we gain, we lose something else. A strain level of paperback and capacity of a library, some things are worth a try. I still love to flip pages and I am hopeful for more. After all, if nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.

Eximpress

I have a weird habit; whenever I am free and have no targets to meet, I listen and not talk. I can sit in a corner just staring into empty space; making me slap myself for such non-productiveness. To keep a check on it, I always go around the internet and try to find things that catch my attention. These can include anything from quotations and short stories to hypothetical alien shields and out of the world inventions. Recently I came across an elaborated version of a quote that instigated my neurons. Here’s how it goes “Remember! Work for a cause, not for Applause. Live your life to express, not to impress. Don’t strive to make our presence notified, just make your absence felt.”

I found this very charming in theory; it makes a very beautiful picture in my head. But when I think about everyone around me; I find the very thing absconding. This afternoon I had an informative session on “Effective Technical Writing” and so I thought about putting chronological order to use.

From the time we are born, everything is presented to us in a result oriented way. The parents have a beautiful smile on their faces when you give your first smile. They choke with tears of joy when they hear the first “dada”. Everyone claps and hugs when you sit on your own, have a numerous phone calls made when you walk a foot and fall on your bum. Everyone just keeps aiming higher and higher.

School comes and there are no gold stars for keeping mum. Everyone has to learn the laws of living. If you can’t express, you are nobody. If your expressing fails to impress, you are even worse. If you can’t score, there are others waiting to shoot. I have always considered our education system very superior; it has everything to make us grow. At the same time, I have never appreciated it’s superiority since it is burning a hole in creative minds. Grades, Marks, Appreciations are as far as the eyes can see. Days are over when parents used to sip tea seeing their kids playing in the sand. Time has come for piano lessons and karate classes. “Ignited Minds”...the cliff I see from...”Igniting Minds”.

By the time we are in college, principles are soaped off and honesty is down the drain. A person who doesn’t copy is considered a fool. In corporate world, as put by one of my colleagues, cheating is stamped as “Following Best Practice”. After all, would you re-invent the wheel? There are faculties to impress; there is a special heart to win. There are a thousand classes to make you efficient in body postures and styles; I fail to name two who actually listen to the expressing heart. Well, first impression is the last impression and the clock is ticking.

If someone comes and says that those were the years of learning; that everything was required to stay ahead, I would think further ahead. “No dignity” will be what I come up with for “Responsible” elder life. One is working because there is a boss to promote them. One is going to the temple because there is a wish in heart. One is doing good deeds because almighty is watching and karma is being distributed. Everyone is trying to live in the society, not in their deeds.

Boman Irani said in the 3 Idiots “No one remembers the name of the person who came second. This is the world of cut throat competition, if you can’t win, you’ll be crushed.” No one have the time or the eagerness to care what a person might be hiding under the pile of silence. Rarely people will chase after you and encourage you to work, there is a cost involved and there are positions to be snatched!

"Ex(Im)press", the walls are getting pushed and the good will is fading into the night. There will be no one to set examples, there will be no doomsday; one has to create his own destiny. Today, I ask myself to have more compassion, to have a little more affection. Although the night is cold and the winds are fierce, there is a candle fighting for warmth. The trust might be gone, but the waiting heart is strong. My trainer said “Hope makes a good breakfast but a bad supper”. But, if I can have a beautiful supper, I will gladly accept.