TRUE LOVE!

“I love you. All that I have and all that I am...is yours. For you I have no self, I have no ego. Without you I have no happiness, I have no life. If there is peace on this earth, it is lying in your arms and listening to your heart. If there is a magic lamp and there is that one wish, I would wish for you. If there is a spiritual way to pass on, I would like to be lying next to you and see that smile one more time before I close my eyes to all the beauty there is”

I am not sure why am I writing this. I am not that kind of a person, I have always put my belief in the practicality of this world. I have always believed on moving out of people’s life if I am sad – justifying it as ‘I can’t make a person happy if I am not happy’. Today, I am miserable. But, I still don’t want to move out – there is something keeping me frozen in time, something telling me to wait; something warning me that this part of my soul can never be given to anyone else. All in all, I am a very practical person, I have always believed that there is no love at first site and there are no soul mates. We all are very small and very similar pieces of a gigantic puzzle with hundreds of ways in which the pieces can fit; sometimes they’ll slide right in and at others we’ll have to make a few adjustments to fit – but, at the end of the day, you will always have someone you feel nice with. Someone who’ll make it easy to share, to talk, to be with; someone who’ll make you blush, make you smile, make you cry; someone you believe you can trust your life with and someone who will even be a pain in your butt, but you’ll still not let them go!

I almost never liked a person as a whole, there is always something that turns you on and there is something that pushes you away. That is the reason you like different things in different people, people call these the striking features; something that’ll always grab your attention and make you feel connected to it. It’s not the beautiful things in them, sometimes it is just something that you can’t define; or maybe there is no definition of beauty, it’s just your perspective; it’s not real! It’s a checklist - you like somebody’s smile, a twinkle in their eyes, the way they carry themselves or the way they hold you; sometimes it would even be as simple as - the way they listen to you! That is how I see this world - it's a compromise. You stick with someone because you make yourself believe that you can be happy with them, or maybe the life is so simple and easy with them. There could be no passion, but there could be a sorted routine. But, what if 'nice' isn't something that you must look out for? What if there is more out there?

I always wondered if the stories about Romeo and Juliet made any sense at all. Why would anyone end their lives just because they are in love? Why go down that path knowing that it'll not end well? There will always be someone else and we will always love again - time will fade away the memories of today and give you a replacement. Today you might be head over heels for someone, tomorrow you'll move on to other things in your life. Then why do it? True love? Sense of belonging? I guess the practicality was my golden era, now my conscience just calls me stupid! :D

Could it be, when they say – ‘true love is two souls and one body’, that it's actually just one soul, something without which you feel completely lifeless? Robotic? A state where you could be surrounded by all the love this world has to offer; all the people who care deeply about you, and you still feel that you're all alone? I know this post is going to end up with a comment from a very mature and special friend of mine that ‘I write only when I am sad' - but maybe that's true. Maybe we tend to think only when there's trouble. We all get too drunk on our happiness to realize that the dreams could end abruptly and when they do, there will be nothing to hold on to.

So, I ask myself today – What is love? Is it a connection or a reaction that cannot be undone? Is it a drug that you can’t stay away from? A high where the insults don’t matter, all you tell yourself is that the person will come back to you since they’re yours. You can be afraid of it, you can hide it, you can run away from it, you can include people in your life to replace it - but I believe that the minute you touch your love, it's all going to come crashing back. What do you do when you know that your love story is not going to be a success? Could it still be made beautiful? Something that you can cherish in your heart for the years to come? Something that you could smile over when you have wrinkles on that pretty face.

Letting something go is a very easy job, it hurts for a few days and then you find ways to not think about it at all; sticking with it is what makes us human. We go through a pain day in and day out until we realize that the pain isn't really a problem. It's something that you would be glad to have compared to the feeling that you let your soul mate walk away. How many times do we meet someone who is able to touch our lives? We meet people, we laugh with them, have a good time and we move on to someone else. Why do we do that? What are we looking for? Is it that connection that makes us feel alive, that makes us realize that nothing else really matters? A connection that makes us realize that that particular moment is all there is; it is all that you want to remember. A feeling that you've lived it all; a confidence that you've found it. Then why do we run away from that moment? What do we fear? If I could smile away my life's happiness in a month, why not grab it? Why not tell the person how special they are. Why wait for another day to confront? Why make them sad? Why? And why?

I understand that all good things end at some point, could one of the ways be to embrace it? Love is something that is supposed to set you free, there are no boundations, there are no expectations - there is only an urge. An urge to see to that person smile every day! An urge to be with that person when they do for as long as you may be! But, we are humans - we tend to pile up our historical data and let that data define who we are. Whenever a loved one does something unexpected, it triggers an expected historical memory; most of the time it frightens us, makes us curl up. We compare that moment with how it had been in the past and look for a place to hide. We go on fighting for days, not knowing if we are fighting today's battle or we are creating zombies. One fine day, we realize that it is gone and it cannot be undone. I don't want to be that person. I have my reservations and I have my cautiousness, but I want to be a man of this moment. I want to love you in every way that you deserve to be loved and I want to let you go when the time turns against me.

Love has no right and wrong, no logic and no practicality, no brightness and no darkness - it is just love. A feeling you can never shake off. A thread that connects you with a person and a smile that you always adore. A connection that will make you wake up in the middle of the night feeling restless with an urge to go running to your better half and just hold them for a few minutes. People see different things in their better halves - sometimes someone asks you what you like about them and in the moment you end up acting stupid because you never expected it. You make a fool out of you, but the truth remains that you love everything about that person - it's a complete package - you can't take anything out and you can't add anything in, because you have the part of your soul lying there and there are no corrections to it. It is what you accept and it is what makes you complete. If there was a way I could go back in time - I will do it differently; but, even if I can't have a different beginning - I will still strive to have a different ending. Sometimes the relations don’t end as a success (the way the world defines that word), but there could always be beautiful bonds; and I will have it! I am glad that we met!