Detached and Dead!

It’s always difficult to deal with a loss. It’s tough to accept that someone beloved will no longer be around; that a significant piece of your life will be gone. Our religions will tell us about the right ways to deal with this - 'Rituals' as we call it. However, everyone will have different mechanisms to deal with this; some may wail and scream; while others would completely shut themselves off. Different cultures created different rituals, something created by someone like us at some point - what truth does this hold? While sitting and letting the thoughts wander off, I keep wondering why are we stuck in this vicious circle in the first place? Our pleasures always lead to pain. Reading online, I stumbled upon one of the teachings from Buddha stating that ‘Being alive means to suffer’, which made me think about the personal philosophy that I have – ‘Absolute Happiness is a myth’. We are in a world where change is inevitable, and all our attachments will create sufferings in some form at some point. We get tangled into a web of desires, expectations and disappointments; at times we do not enjoy the moment because we fear that it’s going to end or at other times the pleasure associated with the possession becomes prolonged and it loses its charm; happiness eventually fades away. At this point, we eye something new and the circle of desire, expectation and disappointment continues.

Today, I am writing this while sitting at a funeral; at a loss for words. I always feel lost in such situations because I know that the person needs to mourn for as long as necessary and nothing I say could take away that pain. I do not like to make phone calls to express my grief, but just be present and lend a shoulder. All the expectations with being formal makes no sense for me – the deceased have moved on and the survivors need outlet for their feelings; something that can be provided only by the loved ones; one of the situations where numbers are meaningless. A larger crowd creates mixed energies and only delays the attainment of peace by stopping the person from being one-self. Having said that, mourning needs to be healthy too; it would be unwise to let those emotions manifest into undesirable feelings just because we are not ready to accept the reality.

Another question would be, whether we should mourn death or celebrate it? Should this be viewed as an ending or a new beginning. I lost my grandmother 2 years back and it was a very difficult time for everyone; its painful to let go of someone who has loved you since your birth. The situation had worsened then, and she had to be put into ICU, breathing through machines – unable to do anything and just lying there in pain. We all asked ourselves if her life decision should be made by us while she was suffering – however, we were trapped into personal attachments and would do anything to have her back. Alas, she was no more one fine day and moved on to the next role she had been chosen to play – leaving us behind to pick ourselves and accept the reality. I think back, and I agree to the practical voice that asked us to let her go in peace without the needles pricking through her every moment. But, only my grandfather had the strength at that moment – who would sit by her whenever we could take him to see her and who, instead of crying, only lovingly moved his hand across her forehead when she departed, uttering ‘So, are you going and joining the master? Go then’. They had been a part of ‘Ram Chandra Mission’ since long and somewhere they had already detached themselves from the worldly bonds. I often used to think why someone would leave their worldly duties to attend to the almighty (in the form as each one sees) – but, maybe this strengthened them to face the worse.

We all have a problem that we keep the guilt within us because of all the things that we wanted to do and never could. This is true for personal relations, professional duties… even materialistic possessions. We wait and wait until the thing is either gone or doesn’t hold the same value anymore as it once did. Many-a-times we let these disappointments fester so much that we lash out and spoil all the wonderful times that we should have had. Maybe we should learn from the dead – they lived their life, fulfilled their duties as per their destiny or karma and finally leave the earthly vessel to be re-incarnated for a new purpose. While the deceased soul is doing that, shouldn’t we go a little easy on ourselves and let go of all the guilt associated with whatever we couldn’t do or should have done? Everyone has a destiny and they will meet it when that time comes – like the ‘Appointment in Samara’, it is inevitable – all roads will lead us to it.

As ones who must go on, we need to find a way to let go, in our own ways, not worrying about the traditions and not pretending – be who we are! Being emotional fools at one point, we make ourselves believe that showcasing pain will make things better – it never does. We try and walk into the shoes of someone else and spoil the constructive outlet of emotions, keeping the real feelings within and inducing more suffering. Acceptance towards ourselves and ones we adore will lay the foundation of lasting happiness; We need to live the moments to the fullest and not be fearful about what is yet to come – let’s deal with it when it does. I always tell people to be a lion (and not an ostrich) and face our demons head on! Be life-long learners and keep adjusting ourselves on our own paths of righteousness; live, love, laugh, cry – and be honest about it all!

TRUE LOVE!

“I love you. All that I have and all that I am...is yours. For you I have no self, I have no ego. Without you I have no happiness, I have no life. If there is peace on this earth, it is lying in your arms and listening to your heart. If there is a magic lamp and there is that one wish, I would wish for you. If there is a spiritual way to pass on, I would like to be lying next to you and see that smile one more time before I close my eyes to all the beauty there is”

I am not sure why am I writing this. I am not that kind of a person, I have always put my belief in the practicality of this world. I have always believed on moving out of people’s life if I am sad – justifying it as ‘I can’t make a person happy if I am not happy’. Today, I am miserable. But, I still don’t want to move out – there is something keeping me frozen in time, something telling me to wait; something warning me that this part of my soul can never be given to anyone else. All in all, I am a very practical person, I have always believed that there is no love at first site and there are no soul mates. We all are very small and very similar pieces of a gigantic puzzle with hundreds of ways in which the pieces can fit; sometimes they’ll slide right in and at others we’ll have to make a few adjustments to fit – but, at the end of the day, you will always have someone you feel nice with. Someone who’ll make it easy to share, to talk, to be with; someone who’ll make you blush, make you smile, make you cry; someone you believe you can trust your life with and someone who will even be a pain in your butt, but you’ll still not let them go!

I almost never liked a person as a whole, there is always something that turns you on and there is something that pushes you away. That is the reason you like different things in different people, people call these the striking features; something that’ll always grab your attention and make you feel connected to it. It’s not the beautiful things in them, sometimes it is just something that you can’t define; or maybe there is no definition of beauty, it’s just your perspective; it’s not real! It’s a checklist - you like somebody’s smile, a twinkle in their eyes, the way they carry themselves or the way they hold you; sometimes it would even be as simple as - the way they listen to you! That is how I see this world - it's a compromise. You stick with someone because you make yourself believe that you can be happy with them, or maybe the life is so simple and easy with them. There could be no passion, but there could be a sorted routine. But, what if 'nice' isn't something that you must look out for? What if there is more out there?

I always wondered if the stories about Romeo and Juliet made any sense at all. Why would anyone end their lives just because they are in love? Why go down that path knowing that it'll not end well? There will always be someone else and we will always love again - time will fade away the memories of today and give you a replacement. Today you might be head over heels for someone, tomorrow you'll move on to other things in your life. Then why do it? True love? Sense of belonging? I guess the practicality was my golden era, now my conscience just calls me stupid! :D

Could it be, when they say – ‘true love is two souls and one body’, that it's actually just one soul, something without which you feel completely lifeless? Robotic? A state where you could be surrounded by all the love this world has to offer; all the people who care deeply about you, and you still feel that you're all alone? I know this post is going to end up with a comment from a very mature and special friend of mine that ‘I write only when I am sad' - but maybe that's true. Maybe we tend to think only when there's trouble. We all get too drunk on our happiness to realize that the dreams could end abruptly and when they do, there will be nothing to hold on to.

So, I ask myself today – What is love? Is it a connection or a reaction that cannot be undone? Is it a drug that you can’t stay away from? A high where the insults don’t matter, all you tell yourself is that the person will come back to you since they’re yours. You can be afraid of it, you can hide it, you can run away from it, you can include people in your life to replace it - but I believe that the minute you touch your love, it's all going to come crashing back. What do you do when you know that your love story is not going to be a success? Could it still be made beautiful? Something that you can cherish in your heart for the years to come? Something that you could smile over when you have wrinkles on that pretty face.

Letting something go is a very easy job, it hurts for a few days and then you find ways to not think about it at all; sticking with it is what makes us human. We go through a pain day in and day out until we realize that the pain isn't really a problem. It's something that you would be glad to have compared to the feeling that you let your soul mate walk away. How many times do we meet someone who is able to touch our lives? We meet people, we laugh with them, have a good time and we move on to someone else. Why do we do that? What are we looking for? Is it that connection that makes us feel alive, that makes us realize that nothing else really matters? A connection that makes us realize that that particular moment is all there is; it is all that you want to remember. A feeling that you've lived it all; a confidence that you've found it. Then why do we run away from that moment? What do we fear? If I could smile away my life's happiness in a month, why not grab it? Why not tell the person how special they are. Why wait for another day to confront? Why make them sad? Why? And why?

I understand that all good things end at some point, could one of the ways be to embrace it? Love is something that is supposed to set you free, there are no boundations, there are no expectations - there is only an urge. An urge to see to that person smile every day! An urge to be with that person when they do for as long as you may be! But, we are humans - we tend to pile up our historical data and let that data define who we are. Whenever a loved one does something unexpected, it triggers an expected historical memory; most of the time it frightens us, makes us curl up. We compare that moment with how it had been in the past and look for a place to hide. We go on fighting for days, not knowing if we are fighting today's battle or we are creating zombies. One fine day, we realize that it is gone and it cannot be undone. I don't want to be that person. I have my reservations and I have my cautiousness, but I want to be a man of this moment. I want to love you in every way that you deserve to be loved and I want to let you go when the time turns against me.

Love has no right and wrong, no logic and no practicality, no brightness and no darkness - it is just love. A feeling you can never shake off. A thread that connects you with a person and a smile that you always adore. A connection that will make you wake up in the middle of the night feeling restless with an urge to go running to your better half and just hold them for a few minutes. People see different things in their better halves - sometimes someone asks you what you like about them and in the moment you end up acting stupid because you never expected it. You make a fool out of you, but the truth remains that you love everything about that person - it's a complete package - you can't take anything out and you can't add anything in, because you have the part of your soul lying there and there are no corrections to it. It is what you accept and it is what makes you complete. If there was a way I could go back in time - I will do it differently; but, even if I can't have a different beginning - I will still strive to have a different ending. Sometimes the relations don’t end as a success (the way the world defines that word), but there could always be beautiful bonds; and I will have it! I am glad that we met!

Intentionally Un-titled

…and another incident shook the nation and brought the people together yet again. Can someone stoop this low to please his sexual desires? Is this what we tend to call a civilized society? The world has soaring rape incidents and everyone seems to have a different solution for it. There are on-going arrests, debates, protests, candlelight vigils and political dramas – but I can’t stop wondering if this is what we really need in the long run to have a peaceful society. We have been struggling for such a long time for survival and a happy life – against castes, kings, foreign rules, governments, fellow beings; have we stopped for an instance and thought what we really want or what we really need? These moments have always been strong; they come like tidal waves and recede eventually. The problem, however, still stands tall – We, the people.

I have been hearing about morality and it’s derivatives since a very long time now. Good, Evil, Righteousness and Moral Values – these are the flavor of any discussion; by people who actually believe in their thoughts and by those who tend to use them to get their way. The other day we got into an interesting discussion with the inspection guy. He told us about his group of friends, all with different beliefs and religions and how they tend to get into deep philosophical discussions during group dinners. Eventually, we got talking and he expressed his negative views on homosexuality. I was instantly taken aback! For a man living in the UK, saying that it was morally wrong and he wouldn’t want his kids to see it – is that what we really need to shield our kids from? Is religion above us? The topic coincidentally drifted towards rape and he asked ‘Will the number of rape cases drop if prostitution was to be legalized here?’ and my instant reaction was ‘No’. This could never change unless we, as people, evolve – unless our thinking gets mature. This is specific to Indian society [and maybe to others as well] – we have to accept that it’s nothing external that causes rape. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them. Unless we are able to control our lust, keep our thoughts confined; unless we know what is right and what is wrong, even in the moments with that adrenaline rush – nothing is going to change.

The media portrays a very negative picture – rapes, murders, robberies – where as I have always believed that most of us are good people. In fact, there is good in everyone, where so ever it may be hiding. I wouldn’t even vote against a death sentence or barbarism [for that matter] for people so low on morality. However, it’s all short term. What do we plan to achieve by brutality? Are people already not afraid of death sentences or have we grown resistant to the system? Somewhere, deep down, people have kindled a feeling that they could get away with it. There has been sex education in the schools and colleges; however it doesn’t mean the no cases originate from the educated class. A country with a tough lifestyle and low literacy rates, I don’t vote for sex education as being a solution. For a long time, I had thoughts around death warrants – but eventually corruption will catch up. How tough it would be to frame someone and shoot them at the spot, no questions asked? It’s like a classic Death-note scenario – someone would start walking the righteous path towards eliminating all evil and eventually get tangled himself.

The problem with us is that we tend to forget things. We tend to talk for few days, get used to the whole situation and finally move on - making the situation a part of our daily life. We say roads are unsafe, so we avoid walking on them. We never try to conquer our fears; we tend to live with it. We like to blame – blame others for things that should have been done by us, blame others when situations turn bad – the blame keeps shifting until it fades away. How many of us would have asked for justice if the culprit was one of our own? That is what needs a change.

I never said India is not a good place to be. It’s a wonderful country with loving people. We have stood strong during toughest times. I still wouldn’t say anything positive as we tend to get ahead of ourselves, negativity will always bring about positivity. We are at the brink of evolution. This is a fight between the mind-sets, between old values and the wider thoughts. We need to move past religion and we need to shun social consciousness. As said previously – we need cleaner homes first of all in order to have cleaner societies. If people can’t follow simple traffic rules or timetables for instance, how could we be expected to shoulder greater responsibility? It’s time to get your hands dirty, get into the system and bring a change, not stand and shout. Eventually honest authorities and vigilant system is going to change things – An open educated mentality, a better governing body, a responsible power distribution and maybe better us [unrestricted, free and responsible].

The topics will still stand for now – Literacy? Money? Power? Corruption? Mentality? Modernization? Punishment? Democracy? Dictatorship?

As my friend quotes - boycott your celebrations people and not national salutes. Stop doing the convenient and suit-up!

Pursuit of Happyness

Self-Righteousness is one of the most important virtues for a peaceful and happy life. Nothing personal, everyone has a different belief. Somewhere inside you, there should be a strong feeling that you have never wronged a fellow person and you have been brave enough to stand up for you beliefs. This keeps the fighter inside you alive and helps in happily facing all the troubles head-on, and it's awesome! I have never been a very happy child. There always have been something else that I desired, maybe I never really made a strong choice for myself, maybe I looked out for people's opinion too much - after all, too many options is always a mess. Somewhere in my heart I have known what exactly is going to make me happy; I just never listened to that feeling. I somehow almost always let it slip, giving in to the other lusts. Today I stand, on the same cross-roads, having the happiness in my sight, aware of the fight lurking around it - knowing I will have to be selfless and let it slip.

I think I am killing the self-righteousness myself. If someone asked me to decipher the meaning, I would simply say - doing right to yourself. The society, should it really come into picture? Is it “Social-Righteousness”, another make-belief concept to keep things in order? Since the beginning of social history, people have been trying to bind others and domesticate them to behave in a set pattern. I think they have succeeded at many level; somewhere at such deep a level that society actually sits on it’s feces and feel that it’s the most wonderful time! People actually are unhappy and still pursuing the same path just to tag along the crowd that will someday be indifferent to them. There is a lot of chaos and a lot of sparks, someday this will rot away the chains – maybe not in my time, but it will. 

Ayn Rand is one person whose philosophies I have actually liked. I have always said “you cannot make people close to you happy until you yourself are in that state”. If I start thinking on those lines, the only way to be self-righteous is to be selfish. It’s not being selfish in a way which means going out and taking advantage of others, but in a way that uplifts your whole being and makes you feel alive with passion. All the social good, charity, prayers, selfless acts are worthless if it’s not fulfilling your ultimate moral goal, and that goal can never be pleasing others. People have been trying so hard to get other’s approval that they somehow have designed pathway to make themselves look brighter, no matter how dark they actually are. The whole act of selflessness is the most selfish things you’ll ever do to yourselves.

I used to say - happiness is over rated. The usual bollywood drama - all the intense romantics - although I have been able to connect it to some part of my life, I never really believed that a special someone can have the power, so deep, that they can leave a rift in your soul. Life is too short for that serious part; there are so many things to do, ‘variety being the spice of life’. I stand corrected, there aren't. There are good things and there are distractions. Distractions are like a 5-minute joy ride in a amusement park; making you happy and bringing you back to reality. Good thing is like water – it will always be the same and it will always give you an unsaid satisfaction of varied degrees. I have always desired an intensity in moments, be it  a tight embrace or the sparkling eyes that makes one feel that no words will ever be required. I know how the emotional hollow inside me will level but I also know that I will have to be selfless one last time. There will be a change and top rules will be – Be Selfish, Be Happy and Be Right. Guys, make yourself happy first and bring same to others in your own ways. The world can use a lot of originality, that space will never run out. Cheers!

You SNOOZE, You LOOSE

Feels good to be back! Tanja, I am still waiting for your fury on my last one :P

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

They say the time is running. But, I could never be a man of routines. I like my own pace - doing things as they come along and listening to my heart. When I get up each day I have one aim ( In addition to the "going to gym" and "waking early n fresh") - to do a little better than what I did. I start my engines and think - about the things that are to be looked forward to and the things that are going to test me today. It is mostly the second part that excites me. That's where I learn something new. In this era of honking horns and yell'ey noises - I have made up my mind to keep my smile on. What good is it to strip myself of one thing that will be under my control for sure? But, as it is said "Change is the only constant thing".

I stand aghast today. I stand aghast at the change in us - at the darkness growing inside us - at the pleasures slipping away - at the waters running out. I always think that everything should be integrated in a particular sense. I never understand why it isn't. Why we take pleasure in the headings of hate and refrain from peaceful coexistence. Has the society made us so cynical that we have adapted dog-eat-dog rule? No No, not accepted - we have made it our duty to implement the rule! We are not the victims anymore. It is not a habit of the tyrants anymore - everything is nationalized; we have become one of them. We like spitting on people who are honest and we shake hands with the profits. Influence and connections are important - socializing is a mandatory requirement - knowledge is acquired to mock others not for self - to crack exams and not to get a personal satisfaction. There is something very wrong with this world. It is a very simple concept that the things ought to be in an order; an incomprehensible confusion that they aren't. We have started enjoying looking down on people. Looking down on personal habits, appearances, financial standards or what-ever comes our way. Mocking someone gives us a sweet tinge of joy. We want the world to sympathize with us, we on the other hand do it with none.

There is a wise saying - Nobody is rewarded before time and above fate. Today, we want everything instantly. My colleague once told me a story. A story about a man in love with nature. Someone who dreamed of retiring to a beautiful, lush-green country side cottage. A place where the musicians were chirping birds and flowing waters. But alas, he was a man of haste. He didn't understand the concept of "picking fruits when they are ripe". He bought a truck load of hard work, transferred the greenery and acquired a variety. He was very happy with the results, happy flaunting the power of money and congratulating his witty brain. Within a week he was living his dream - Watering the trees and eating the fruits - enjoying the barbeques in the shade. Within a month, the trees died - the lush green beauty paving a way to squeaking sound of the wood - like a bonsai plant first shaped for our wondrous imagination - only to drop as dust instead of bearing nests.

We are living in the same era and living the same mistakes. I am feeling lost today - lost and drained. I believe people ought to be brave and honest; a confusion that they aren't. A fast paced lifestyle has stripped us of all the goodness that the mother nature bestowed upon us. Patience - Tolerance - Compassion - these are becoming just words in our dictionaries. Smiling hearts are fading in my memory, only the smile is left hanging on the faces with icy eyes. We all have acquired black hearts and golden tongues. We pat our backs for that! More and more conversations are starting off with a negative remark. The back biting is tickling our funny bone. I fail to remember the last time when I had that divine feeling of joy; the upliftment that made my heart swell. I am sorry, I don't see it. HQ, as I said last time, is still taking a dip. There is a buoyancy keeping it floating and there is a turbulence moving it up & down - the ship has sailed away long ago. I sometimes wonder if the era of the kings was much better. A soldier was required to know about fighting skills, he was expected to be the best in his field. He was never expected to know anything about pot making. Information Technology has given us the key to the Pandora's box. We need to know everything to survive. Half knowledge on democracy and full freedom has ruined us!

I believe that there is an adrenaline excitement in hunting the unknown; in passing through fierce jungles, in lighting up the darkest corners. There is an adrenaline rush and there is a fear - a fear that we are alone. There is a feeling of comfort on walking the paths; paths with people; people with faces; even though we see lunacy, a comfort never the less. We like joining hands with the forces - forces that are dark and mighty. Forces that bloom with the promises of a better lifestyle; with the treasure chests, glittering with jewels - glittering with the promises of a fast pace growth. We are running - sweating and burning - with blisters under our feet - lips dry and hearts in pain - we all are going at it! We have opened the Pandora box and let all the evil out; evil with no form but, a confirmed existence. The rush is taking away the present. And for whom? Is it really for our good? I leave it to be picked up again.

Like Oogway said "Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a gift - that's why it is called the present", let's cherish the things we are able to do. Let's enjoy our platters, be thankful and be honest. Do everything that can be done and go off to a peaceful sleep. This is the only way I know to charge myself up.

A Special Day?

There are times when there is a Christmassy feeling in the air and I get headaches trying to show that I remember this day – that I am a know-it-all! A trip down the Google lane and a slap from the Google Doodle notifies me of my ignorance. My brain somehow ignores all these “Days”. My mother always calls me up and reminds me one day in advance, I still manage to mess it up at times – I am so full of talent. My thought process is a bit different. I am at times stamped as Insensitive - as Irrational - as Crazy - as Weird! But, I am carefree in my own ways :) I never think that a bigger herd is a synonym of power or popularity. I am not fond of social bindings and peer pressures. I dislike formality and hate nosing. Finding comfort in my circle of selected few, I actually have a tiny list of things that I am actually fond of.

So, this is one thing not in my list – Days. I have never been a firm believer in days, in the compulsion that make things follow a routine, in various hopes that have no base, in things that create a virtual cocoon and give us a fake sense of joy. I sometimes wonder if the HQ (Happiness Quotient) is taking a constant dip. We are trying to hold on to the power of thought; emphasizing the nonexistent. I, personally, would prefer going to a breath taking hill station, rent a cabin and meditate; spreading this Serum of Happiness in every part of my body and afterwards giving a 32-out smile to everyone who passes by. Although I will find it very amusing, it is actually creepy! :D I was thinking about a few matters during the first week when my whole thought pyramid got unstable by the fuzz about 8th March – International Women's Day. The first thought that came to my mind was ‘Jesus! Not another one!!’ I immediately pulled up my socks and took out my pen (well, not immediately, it just gives me a nice feeling thinking that way). People, especially ladies might call me jealous, but I will finally be able to use the cold look. Or, maybe I will dust off my invisibility cloak. After all, having a handicap is nothing to be jealous about.

I tried tracing back the history of this day. The first noticeable incident was in 1909, when women, tired of the tyranny and bindings, raised their voices in the United States – the voices finally strengthening and succeeding in 1917 in Russia. Since then it is a symbolic day – Showing the world that genders are equal. I see many long faces on this day (Like many other days that continue all year round); this is the “hairy lot”. Well, chip up guys! Men probably don't have any days named after them because they didn't struggle as much for their rights. I mean, yes, they did struggled for freedom, equality of voice and opinion, but not for the equality of gender. Women earlier were raised as maids, no right to education, no right to opinion, no independence – household chores and children were their sole responsibility and purpose. The revolution brought awareness, followed by the education and development; mind still trapped in a mirage of inequality.

Women should be proud their position in today's society (I am not really sure if proud should be the word). Eating fruits of someone else’s sacrifice is not the right thing to do. Should the “Post-Struggle” menu items be lectures, parties, wishes and gifts? The day can also be celebrated by honoring the women who have excelled in different fields, but that would be a contradiction to the fundamental concept of equality. It’s a day to lift your collars high? Think again. Popular = powerful? Or, Louder = Weak? Is it a day vibrating with the voices of the past or pure business? It is a happy time for vendors and event managers – selling crap and asking for loud applause. Just listening to the great things done by the same gender is nothing to be proud of. Barack Obama is the president of United States – that certainly doesn’t give me a proud feeling of belonging to the male gender.

I do believe in equality; I never see people as any different from me. I never believe the things that I hear – I observe and I conclude. I agree that the society has come a long way. But, mindsets – Have they really changed? We all are born equal – genetically a bit different, yes – but more or less the same. Our behavioral pattern changes in accordance with our upbringing and hormonal fluctuations. What handicaps us is the society. People are still holding on to the traditional thoughts. In the confusion of moving backward and forward, the present is suffering. The laws are made for healthy long term political careers and kids are raised with the same traditional values. Girls are still seen as mothers; still taught to sacrifice for the family. They still want a thought in mind that male is the head of the family and responsible to make ends meet; girl’s job is the icing on the cake. But, when guys show dominance, they are criticized. The whole mentality has become very contradicting.

The laws are made for female protection and the charts show a rising alimony. The other day I saw a police van on the street – for crimes against women, children and senior citizens – it left me wondering if there was a sleeping side to my personality; if I should be chained to my bed at night. A male dominated society – in terms of population or in terms of rights? After all, no laws are made for males in case of murders. We need to realize that not everything is in black and white; good and evil are not gender dependent. A time will come when we will have a death sentence for looking at a woman. Funny thing being – a girl will still hold the right to seduction. An equal right is the first step towards a balanced society. Everyone is raised to make a name, we all have talents, we all fall in devil’s trap – let’s shred this cloak of discrimination.

The same old laws wouldn’t work anymore; we all have become shrewd. An internal change and a social development is the need of this hour. We need to work on three things – Respect, Unity and Understanding. Respect will come from inside. We need to work together for the time when a successful lady is respected for the hard work; the time when her qualities are acknowledged. We never tend to respect people who haven’t worked as hard. A biased celebration gives a handicap and a handicap takes away that respect. We men need to learn that the things should be done in unity. Until we bury that urge to dominate everything that moves, we will never rise up. Instead of assigning duties to opposite sex, we must learn to lend a helping hand. We need to value her engagements as much as we expect ours to be. We need to move towards a better intimacy – a better understanding.

We always look for reasons to celebrate; we never grab that reason to make a difference. We go out to fancy restaurants, eat a rich five course meal and come back laughing and hugging each other. We are not making new bonds, we are not doing extra ordinary things – we are simply following a routine – following the herd of sheep! We tend to repeat things that we want to be true; taking the help of our subconscious to instill that thought in our brains. I never see the genders as very different – except of course the way they should dress and carry themselves – the way they should talk and laugh – the way they should work and stuff. But, I shouldn’t be used as a bench mark, I like pulling legs. :D Women have become equal, but the days like these will always be an irony.

Incredible India - Chapter 0

Atithi Devo Bhava (The Guest is God) – that, my friends, is us. We have a rich culture and bright minds. We have left a mark everywhere. We have an in-depth education system, Superior moral values, Ethics, Laws, Languages and Diversity. India is unique in many way, one being – In Spite of the variety of culture, we have always lived as a one big family; nourishing and caring for one another; shedding tears for the hurt; healing people in crisis. Full of courage and enthusiasm – When we fall down – we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves of and start walking again! THAT is our problem. We never pick up the banana peel lying on the ground, we simply don’t care; even when we do, we don’t want to!

We have always been told about a charming way to look at life – Glass is half full. We have been told to be positive; that a positive attitude brings miracle. Be it school or college, everyone uses the same expression and smile! But, do you realize the joke? Think again, the glass is half full. Looking at positive side is a very convenient way of escaping negativity. This is good as far as thoughts go. But, it gets alarming when the thoughts start creeping over morals and actions. I certainly don’t want my glass half full.

We have become cheap; morally and spiritually. As I was thinking along, Russell Peters popped into my head. I remembered an episode where he joked about our cheapness. There was a positive side and there was a negative. He said that nobody can insult us by calling us cheap. We hear “cheap” and process it as “smart”. In fact, we have been so dedicated to being cheap for so long that we actually invented the number Zero! Our cheapness changed the world!

So much as we love to brag, there are potholes.  Although, it’s the action of few that brands the whole city, but that is the truth. We have the lowest moral values. We are still encashing the vouchers our ancestors left us. We keep pointing that how the western culture is spoiling our generation…when actually these are the corroding shackles of the past we are trying to preserve. We refuse to think and we deny the growth. With time, our egos have inflated and our thinking has narrowed.

We hold our heads high – A diversified, yet united nation where we prefer erecting and gold plating monuments instead of extending a helping hand. We preach love and kindness; we breed discrimination and favoritism on the basis of birthplace, caste and status. We say that all Indians are equal and then we destroy property in the name of democracy – What for? To actually slide lower in social status; to eat the fruits of opportunity with a lazy lifestyle.  We still have a functional society that supports emotional blackmails and forced marriages; where honor killing and dowry is respected; where love marriages are frowned upon and couples are lawfully beaten on Valentine’s Day. We elect politicians who divide people on basis of states; we worship those who can help us step on our so called brothers. We silently pay the law to protect us and government holds on to its seat instead of promises; where innocence is proportional to money. How long will we watch?

We are at par with everything that happens in the west – Luxuries, Drugs, Sex and everything else. Yet we still talk about the live-ins and abortions, hiding our own figure charts. We still believe in continuing a bitter married life because society has ample of time and it will talk; although, nobody gives a shit. We still prefer our kids to grow up in a conservative environment; telling them that there will be a time for everything – Studies (Primary, calculated to be near about 26years of your life) and Friends (Secondary, only those who top or talk less); a girl/boy friend – Still in a conceptual design phase (After all, a distraction is no no) – Liking and Love is a post mid-life affair! On top of that, money is something we are chasing and health is something we are playing with. We are responsible for letting our hunger grow. 

The generation is trying to break loose, trying to find new ways, trying to attain new balance...and we are trying to keep them in line. We are the ones who think that college education is more than enough for girls; that engineering is always better than law. That safety has to be our first concern and not innovations and experiments. Loved ones don't come first, society does. People who talk are silenced with a perfect line - We all complain, but do nothing. But, can you really do something? Isn't it better to clean one's own house? Isn't that the fastest way to a clean a city? 

We always like to gossip about things. A person who can’t do that is marked Rude/Anti-Social/Dumb! It’s never the solution that interests us; it is the problem that amuses us. Instead of thinking about the solution, we keep tossing the problem around. Always remember - - to spread love, one needs actions; to spread hatred, word of mouth is sufficient.

Today, I don’t have any solid solution. I’ll mark this blog as starting of one. There is one conversation that I’ll quote as the beginning –

Me: “What should be the moral values according to you?”

Friend: “Everyone forms his/her own values”

Me: “What are yours?”

Friend: “Respect every individual. Respect gives rise to Love and Love starts Harmony”.

Me: “That means if the foundation is weak, the whole structure will come down?”

Friend: “That is a BIG Yes”

That means to make our foundation strong, we must first learn to respect ourselves. We must be right to do right. It’s a Monty Hall problem. Behind one door is a car; behind the others, goat. An honest game or an instant win – our choice – our actions. 

Just ask one question – Developed…Developing…Really?

A Bumpy Ride

There was a time when the earth was flat; when there was an end of the world, when you could fall off the edge and be gone. But, then the change came – Round! This went deep in every aspect of life and we started going around in circles – never reaching conclusions. Development made us all more capable but weaker. This little piece is devoted to that change; the change in psychology, the change in us.

These days I am re-reading “The Fountainhead”. I recommend you all to get a copy if you haven’t read it (believe me; Ayn Rand is not giving me any commissions). I always think that the book affects me in undesirable ways (for me or for people, I am not so sure). It makes me less social and more straightforward, which apparently isn’t a very nice thing. Anyways, this is one among many lines to make a note of – Hands do perspire when held too long.

Today an event triggered me. Something that made me reflect back on my relation and the future it holds. I might be too young to preach, but freedom of expression is what makes us grow. The institution of marriage – one area where changes are rarely welcomed; social bindings and unpleasant surprises instil fear in us all. We face roughness in our daily lives too; but, fights between friends or partners – which is more severe? Flipping the coin; spending time or spending a lifetime – which is more charming? After all, nothing is free.

Growth is a painful process. There is a time in our lives when one is carefree. A time when the street shopping and the petty movies are fun; when the stairs outside a closed store is the best place to sit; when your broken legs still carries you cheerfully; when an upsetting thing is a taunt or a comment. We strive for happiness and independence has spoiled us all. Rules are meant to be broken, but I choose few guidelines to live by. U.E.C – Understanding, Expectations and Comparisons; these will be my chosen ones. A firm understanding with mutual expectations and no comparisons is how I will put them.

My Supervisor said that arranged marriages are better than love marriages. I hate to agree to a certain degree. While love marriages provide one the comfort of knowing partner in advance, it poses a problem – History and Comparison. The lover always reminds you of the times when there was fun without worries. But, you wouldn’t do bungee jumping at 90 would you? We always neglect the good additions and focus on the subtractions. There are three E’s of love marriage –
1. Efforts – You just saw your girl.
2. Experiments – You are about to get engaged.
3. Equilibrium – Happily married.

The third phase proceeds to stagnation and the issues begin. Priorities change; People start to adjust and transform. Suddenly Friday nights stop being colorful and Saturdays get lazy. All the annoying habits, nagging, responsibilities and arguments start becoming too much to handle. Gay Hendricks said Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they've had the same argument hundreds of times. There is a problem with the society – we want results and we want them fast with a cherry on top. Things require time and our anger is killing the brain. An astronaut doesn’t jump off the ship when he faces turbulence; we, however, have doors of alternatives. We try escaping confrontations until the vessel is about to blast. Try closing the doors shut and be focused. Bond with your loved ones people, have a pleasant conversations and reach conclusions. Life is full of memories and moments – catch them! Preserve them! Don’t fight love; FIGHT for love!
Take Care.

Innovative Reading

Change is the essence of life, a process of surrendering what you are for what you can become. We, human race, on the other hand, are like a tortoise – Slow and Protected. We like things well within the grasp of our fingers and minds, but laugh in the face of innovation. Technology has always amused us at first but, eventually, we subconsciously fall prey to its wonders!

Paperbacks have always been our friends. We have lost and found ourselves in the sea of emotions! The crisp, fresh smell of a new book; a personal signature stamped all over it; memories and smiles – these are just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much that cannot be expressed. The childhood comic strips, early age detective novels, matured philosophies and spirituals – neatly lined up on shelves, ready to be picked up! The next morning, all is gone – a sleek device waiting in its place. That, my friends, is the fruit of technology. I am not stubborn to change, I observe and I chose. I have to accept, the Kindle amazed me!

I was the person who did not like to read e-books. It made my movements very restricted; I could no longer sip a coffee in the lawn and smell the fresh earth while reading my favorites. Strain and efficiency loss are just another by products of LCDs. But like the two sides of a coin, there was one advantage – my memories would never age! There were no folded pages, no torn bindings and no distorted shape.

Kindle removed my cons – my paperback will always be smiling behind the laminated screen! I could buy books on the move at a lower cost, have a variety without weight, highlight and make notes, look up the words instantly and never worry about battery life – all joys of reading intact! I might need a little more care and an initial investment, but for everything we miss, we gain something else, and for everything we gain, we lose something else. A strain level of paperback and capacity of a library, some things are worth a try. I still love to flip pages and I am hopeful for more. After all, if nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.

Eximpress

I have a weird habit; whenever I am free and have no targets to meet, I listen and not talk. I can sit in a corner just staring into empty space; making me slap myself for such non-productiveness. To keep a check on it, I always go around the internet and try to find things that catch my attention. These can include anything from quotations and short stories to hypothetical alien shields and out of the world inventions. Recently I came across an elaborated version of a quote that instigated my neurons. Here’s how it goes “Remember! Work for a cause, not for Applause. Live your life to express, not to impress. Don’t strive to make our presence notified, just make your absence felt.”

I found this very charming in theory; it makes a very beautiful picture in my head. But when I think about everyone around me; I find the very thing absconding. This afternoon I had an informative session on “Effective Technical Writing” and so I thought about putting chronological order to use.

From the time we are born, everything is presented to us in a result oriented way. The parents have a beautiful smile on their faces when you give your first smile. They choke with tears of joy when they hear the first “dada”. Everyone claps and hugs when you sit on your own, have a numerous phone calls made when you walk a foot and fall on your bum. Everyone just keeps aiming higher and higher.

School comes and there are no gold stars for keeping mum. Everyone has to learn the laws of living. If you can’t express, you are nobody. If your expressing fails to impress, you are even worse. If you can’t score, there are others waiting to shoot. I have always considered our education system very superior; it has everything to make us grow. At the same time, I have never appreciated it’s superiority since it is burning a hole in creative minds. Grades, Marks, Appreciations are as far as the eyes can see. Days are over when parents used to sip tea seeing their kids playing in the sand. Time has come for piano lessons and karate classes. “Ignited Minds”...the cliff I see from...”Igniting Minds”.

By the time we are in college, principles are soaped off and honesty is down the drain. A person who doesn’t copy is considered a fool. In corporate world, as put by one of my colleagues, cheating is stamped as “Following Best Practice”. After all, would you re-invent the wheel? There are faculties to impress; there is a special heart to win. There are a thousand classes to make you efficient in body postures and styles; I fail to name two who actually listen to the expressing heart. Well, first impression is the last impression and the clock is ticking.

If someone comes and says that those were the years of learning; that everything was required to stay ahead, I would think further ahead. “No dignity” will be what I come up with for “Responsible” elder life. One is working because there is a boss to promote them. One is going to the temple because there is a wish in heart. One is doing good deeds because almighty is watching and karma is being distributed. Everyone is trying to live in the society, not in their deeds.

Boman Irani said in the 3 Idiots “No one remembers the name of the person who came second. This is the world of cut throat competition, if you can’t win, you’ll be crushed.” No one have the time or the eagerness to care what a person might be hiding under the pile of silence. Rarely people will chase after you and encourage you to work, there is a cost involved and there are positions to be snatched!

"Ex(Im)press", the walls are getting pushed and the good will is fading into the night. There will be no one to set examples, there will be no doomsday; one has to create his own destiny. Today, I ask myself to have more compassion, to have a little more affection. Although the night is cold and the winds are fierce, there is a candle fighting for warmth. The trust might be gone, but the waiting heart is strong. My trainer said “Hope makes a good breakfast but a bad supper”. But, if I can have a beautiful supper, I will gladly accept.

Special Local

Hello everyone,

I was going to share good news with all when I started writing this. Then I thought, “Why would you be so much interested that you’ll actually read a whole blog on it?”. So let me just chip in the news...I am getting a new Bike in the coming week...A Royal Enfield. Pretty excited about the whole thing I tell you, been there to the showroom thrice already since it came...even dragged a few friends to it (Now they have swore that they won’t go anywhere with me). But emotions are everywhere. This little piece you are reading is related to excitements.

Things always look so much better till you don't have them. This applies to everything - A small accessory to people. You just can’t resist the “untouchable”! Then after sometime that special something becomes a routine thing...and there we are...fire gone, Lights out. It feels very good when you think about the first times the things are done...your first game, your first appreciation, your first trip, your first night out, your first kiss...so on. Everything seems so magical! After you actually are in it, you start taking everything for granted, like everything is going to be there forever.

The excitements and its ways are changing now. Today to get excited, I am supposed to go out, watch a movie, do some shopping and eat in a fine diner...that’s the way of life. My uncle was happy when he bought his first table with his money. Now he owns a posh bungalow, every excitement every feeling brick by brick. Our priorities have changed; our happiness now depends on people around us. Getting a bigger TV makes us happy now, having a good image makes us happy now, listening to praises makes us happy now...no matter how dark we are deep in our hearts, it’s people who count. No one wants to live alone and be disliked. Everyone wants to be the gem in the eyes of people who roam the streets.

But I don’t want all this. I still remember my first cassette recording, I still smile when I remember the first time I drove a Luna, I still ring with “So?” when I remember the first time I told a girl that I liked her, I still feel magical when I remember the first time I kissed, I still want to choose people like I always have, I still kick strangers and be with my loved ones against them...I want to live like there’s no one to comment.

Special Local...In the world of people, we begin the cycle as the mysterious magician. If you screw up, you still be the magician but if you make it work you get the role of home. It’s like everyone’s out there having fun on the playground. After everyone’s gone, kid comes back home. He has a nice warm dinner waiting for him, a cosy bed upstairs and maybe even a bedtime story. It’s like a permanent structure that will be there. You have to please the people everyday but painting the home once every year seems to do the trick. Be careful though...floors do creak, pipes do leak, doors do crack, wires do spark...homes do fall. Never take your happiness for granted, you’ll end up turning fire to smoke. Don’t keep waiting guys. Live like there is no tomorrow.

Take Care.

Hope and Hope-less

It’s not exactly before midnight...or maybe even close to it. But, my girl is having a night out and I am not invited, so what the hell. Let me share the boredom with you guys, they say sharing helps. And well, being the blog owner has its own advantage. Kidding guys, as if a blog owner is the highest authority on earth. But I am stuck with a stupid movie list and my friend is not even online during daylight saving! She’s probably sleeping with curtains pulled. So, I came in to write the first part about the most volatile thing.

Emotions...that is one crazy sea every sailor fears to sail in. We start the talks at our yacht and we get drifted to some god forsaken island. Then we wonder how we got there and ways to get back home. Wait for help, dive in on your own...once you are at a different island...you are pretty much done. Some lucky ones find the yacht again. Humans and emotions...It’s said that emotion and the ability to express them is what makes us human. But the connections between heart and brain, who is doing the thinking when...or is it just a way to get excuses for out indecisive and volatile thinking...I still get confused with all. We should solve the mystery someday...but not today. Last night I was wondering what makes us weaker...Hope or Fear.

Hope is a feeling that keeps us calm, it tells oneself that everything will turn out just fine. It in a way makes a person do a particular thing.

Fear on the other hand tells oneself to stay away. It makes a person “NOT” do a particular thing.

One thing I always did was to bank on hope. We keep thinking so much that everything will turn out good that we start actually believing in what is not there at present. Hope is one thing that seriously keeps us pinned to the past. One of my best friends always told me “Why do you keep standing in the middle of the road? Move to either side” and I always gave her the same reply “I am waiting to get hit”. I never could. I believed so much in hope that I lost so many wonderful things along the way. So I thought “Hey, Hope is taking all the credits! Let’s do some justice to fear too.”

You know guys; it’s very good to keep up hopes. It will hold your hand in worst times. It will always keep you motivated and energized towards the future. Nobody knows what is out there waiting for you today and fear always kills half of you on the spot. You can’t swim...you won’t go in the water. On the other hand, fear can be a blessing too. You can’t dance...you will a different way to be charming. But I believe that hope takes away one very important thing – Alternative. You will always find ways to do things differently if you fear something. But you would be stuck at one spot if you hope too much.

I was in my college when I realized that something was wrong with good old hope. There was one question I was stuck with while experimenting with alternatives; does hope give us a temporary boost while actually weakening us over the years? Should we really bank on a cheque that might come instead of getting a new job? Angels and Demons, both are powerful; both can ruin you. Why are angels good then?

Small shots of fear always keep us pinned to reality. Hope on the other hand is like a mars bar, it keeps you high till the taste is there. When it’s gone you miss it. I believe we should hope-less and look for alternatives. Make life a roller coaster ride; ups and downs have their own fun.

Twist the emotions people and let me reach a conclusion.

Take care.

Alcohol - A Sweet Addiction

Hi all, how are you doing? Worrying about bank balances or hair problems? What is the planning for tonight? All schedules up-to-date? Let's talk about me in the first line of first blog though. Me, I am a curious man. Everything I see, I need to know the logic behind it. I keep on bugging people till they pull their hair out, but OK let's talk about that some other day. Presently, let me celebrate the final opening of a blog after months of brooding and laziness. So what should we have? Drinks? A toast?

Last night I got an urge to go out and have a drink. Alcohol, it's something that has been consumed since prehistoric times for a variety of dietary, medicinal, religious, and recreational reasons. Now they even use them in hand sanitizers! It is the most widely consumed drink after Water and Tea. But when it comes to consuming alcoholic beverages, it's such a social taboo. I have seen kids sneaking behind elder's backs to get a taste of it. Maybe it is something about the attractiveness of the "Forbidden Fruit" that pulls them into it. I have seen parents who have full confidence on their kids that they won't do it ever. I tell you about mine, no one touches alcohol in my whole family tree. But does that alone make me a non-drinker? And how exactly would you define a Drinker? Me, I am a social drinker. I usually drink when there is some special occasion, when we dance to the tunes in discos, when we want to share, when we need to get light, when we want to get close. But I never understand why we get such urges. I do have my own theories on it. One friend of mine once said "You don't have enough will power. Don't talk about controlling the habit. If you could, you would never have started drinking." People are addicted to shopping, food, etc...But it always "He is just a bit fat", "He's big boned"? Or "She's a diva!". Drink Alcohol and your social ratings will fall faster than the desert temperatures. Be a girl on top of that and boom! You have a deadly combination right there. But then I ask myself, why it happens that way in reality. People are all developed in different ways, according to societies, according to families, according to friends...even according to TV channels.

"Kanpai!", they say we are just looking out for a reason to do it. We see it at marriage functions, festivals, parties...people laughing their heads off, behaving in stupid ways and doing all sort of things. Does drinking make you strong or weak? I like the geeks in a TV series called "The Big Bang theory", each of them has a distinct personality. The same personality changes into something else when they drink. Is it all there in us but we are just bounded by social strings?

Drunkenness, Hangovers, Stupid Behavior...are they really that bad? What is the life that we have? A rat race? The other day while browsing through my Gmail account, one particular status message caught my attention. On digging, I found it to be modified version of a quote by Lily Tomlin. She said "The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat". Now mind you, I am not talking in a socially irresponsible way. I accept that one needs to have securities, bank balances, rapport...so on and so forth. But i ask you, how much time are we giving ourselves and our dear ones? The hearts are pumping Competition. A pretty girl says no, you are all pumped up. Isn't it a little better to 'not be you' for a little time and freak out? I mean, yes bad incidents do happen when we see this in a real life scenario. But then no one has stopped using and developing science either. Life is all about probabilities and chances. No one leaves people they literally hate, they are all out there.

Go grab a chance you have today rather than banking on tomorrow. Laugh you head off once in a while compared to following life in suits. Be a little stupid today and go after people rather than being sorry tomorrow. Just not be yourself and make a different memory today rather than flipping a monotonous memory file tomorrow. Variety is the spice of life? Hell yes. Between robots and recklessness, I would certainly choose the latter.

So, Kanpai guys and beautiful ladies (sorry guys, nothing special for us)! I leave this blog to you to twist and turn the opinions. Let's have some fun.

Take Care.